For those of you who still JUST CAN’T EVEN with that season finale, here’s a one-paragraph, TL;DR recap:

There were a few touching scenes, but overall it was really poorly written. Even if Abbie hadn’t been

killed: If she were stuck in some otherworld once again or her fate experienced somehow been left hanging, that

ending still would’ve been tear-up-the-upholstery frustrating, with no real payoff or satisfaction. But

Abbie was killed, so now the whole reason for watching Sleepy Hollow - Team Ichabbie’s insanely delicious

chemistry - is no longer.

I sat on my couch with my mouth agape (too stunned to bother tearing up the upholstery, actually) for at

minimum 20 minutes right after last night’s episode ended. Team Ichabbie may have made the ultimate sacrifice to

but again ward off an apocalypse in tee vee land, but in real life, that decision may have fer realsies

brought about the end of times for Sleepy Hollow’s fan base. Geez, when I suggested burning the whole thing

down last week, I didn’t feel they’d actually do it.

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Buying into Sleepy Hollow has always meant allowing the show its numerous (i.e., extra than average for the

sci-fi genre) leaps of logic. Why do bullets ricochet off this or that demon, although a blade slices right

by means of? What’s the likelihood of always finding the exact right book you need just in time to save the

globe? How come gods like The Hidden 1 are sometimes omnipotent but mostly oblivious? Just how lots of

levels of purgatory and/or hell are there, and what’s the schematic relation between them (if any), and

why does Abbie get banished to a giant dollhouse one particular time and the catacombs another time? The third-season

finale opens with considered one of the series’ most egregious leaps: The Hidden Just one, last seen glowing with evil red

energy and literally declaring that his “final wish” was that “this world shall burn,” has apparently had

a change of heart, putting off his apocalyptic plans to once again (several once-agains plague “Ragnarok”)

toy with Pandora inside his lair. Y’know, whatevs. Anyway, back at the catacombs, Crane and Abbie try to

restore Pandora’s box and realize it needs to feed on a witness’ soul. Because why? “Pandora made no

reference to this,” Crane states. “I fear the missing ingredient may be one of us.” And I fear that, once

again, we’re being pressured to just go with the latest plot twist because the writers can’t figure out a way

to make us believe in it. (As Abbie and Crane are leaving the catacombs, she senses a thing I didn’t

pick up on at all, which is that Crane is acting like he’s withholding anything from her. What he’s

withholding is that he’s just now figured out, thanks to the ancient writing on the wall, which the family

tablet he was on about at the start of your season reads “eternal soul,” meaning the tablet “knew” all

along about Pandora’s box needing considered one of them as a sacrifice, but we are just learning this now.

Personally, I find these narrative catch-up games tiring and insulting.)